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摘要:习作原文 假定你是李华,正在英国接受英语培训,住在一户英国人家里。今天你的房东Mrs Wilson 不在家,你准备外出,请给Mrs. Wilson 写一留言条,内容包括: 1.外出购物 2.题房东还书 3.Tracy 来信留言:1)咖啡屋(Bolton Cof…
习作原文

假定你是李华,正在英国接受英语培训,住在一户英国人家里。今天你的房东Mrs Wilson 不在家,你准备外出,请给Mrs. Wilson 写一留言条,内容包括:
1.外出购物
2.题房东还书
3.Tracy 来信留言:1)咖啡屋(Bolton Coffee)见面取消
2)此事已告知Susan
3)尽快回电

Dear Mrs Wilson,

I'm going outsides to do some shopping,and won't be back until 5:00 P.M..By the way,I have taken the books which you have finished reading to return to the library,therefore,you don't need to cover a long walk.Besides,just then Tracy gave you a ring,she left messages due to the absence of you.First,she felt regretful that she couldn't meet you at Bolton Coffee as she had something important to attend to,but she will arrange another convenient time for the meeting.Second,she have told this change to Susan.Third,she expects your early reply,so I suggest that you had better give a call to Tracy as soon as you arrived home.

Lihua

批 改 老 师maotouying评 分94分级 别优秀批 改

1.I'm going outsides to do some shopping,本句中outsides改为out或者outside

2.you don't need to cover a long walk.本句改为you don't need to walk a long way.

3.First,she felt regretful that she couldn't meet you at Bolton Coffee as she had something important to attend to,but she will arrange another convenient time for the meeting.本句中important to attend to改为important to do.另外,本句话前面用的是过去式,后面时态应该保持一致,所以but she will arrange ...改为she would arrange...

4.Second,she have told this change to Susan.本句话用过去完成时态比较合适。have told改为had told

5.Third,she expects your early reply,so I suggest that you had better give a call to Tracy as soon as you arrived home.

expect改为expected,本句与前面的时态保持一致。as soon as you arrived home改为as soon as you arrive home.

6.最后落款除了自己的姓名还需要有日期。

参考例句(文)

1.you don't need to walk a long way.

2.Second,she had told this change to Susan.

3.Third,she expected your early reply,so I suggest that you had better give a call to Tracy as soon as you arrive home.

点 评

本篇文章涵盖了所有应该有的内容,句子连贯,是一篇很好的中学生作文。文中存在的不足之处主要是时态问题,请以后多注意。简单说明如下:

1)主句和从句的时态要注意保持一致;

2)本文中Tracy 来信留言部分,作者同样对应的应用了一二三分别表述,但是这三部分是并列关系,同样要保持时态的一致。

给 分 理 由

本文从内容上来说,写的很好,明显的错误很少,应该归为优秀作文之列。文中的瑕疵是作者在时态的把握上有所欠缺,这也是本文的主要失分之处,经过修改,本文可以成为一篇高质量的文章。

文中6处错误,各扣1分,最后得分94

批改满意度100%hxw.red
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